Didn't I say I'd get around to finally posting again? Ha ha. Well, out of the list I left in my last journal, I'm down to 100 photos left to go through. (I'm sure I will delete even more along the way, though that number has already dropped on several different occasions.)

But let me get to the real matter of this journal, one that is really only relevant to letting my friends know how I'm doing...and most of my personal friends that are on D.A. already know, but here goes anyway:

For those of you that are unaware, I'm approximately 10 weeks pregnant. Allow me to answer the most commonly asked questions now:

- No, I am not 100% sure who the father is, because that was a very "fruitful" time for me (quite literally), though I DO know who wants to be with me, regardless of who the biological father turns out to be. He and I plan to get married sometime next year.

- Yes, I have told my parents. My mom was shocked, but seemed to be okay, because I had the entire thing planned out as best as I possibly could. She's actually rather excited. My dad claimed that it must be his fault somehow, and seemed to be more worried about my partner's political standpoints, questioning, "She's going to be with this guy, and we don't even know if he's a Democrat or a Republican?" Yeah, that's about how that went.

- I didn't find out for sure until I was 7 weeks along, which is why no one knew about it right away. Not only that, but the situation is still a bit complicated, so I am NOT openly discussing it on Facebook. (That means for those of you that I am friends with there, it is not up for open discussion quite yet.)

- The next question is usually about school, and whether or not I'll continue. I'll start by saying that I hate O.D.U., but - due to the fact that I have to pay for college myself - it was cheaper than any other school I could be proud of calling my own. Basically, here's the plan. I'll have enough time to finish out this semester, as well as all of next semester. I plan to take classes that I will enjoy, classes that will hopefully leave a good taste of O.D.U. in my mouth (so I'll want to come back) - mainly writing composition and photography classes. From there, I plan to take at least a year or two off from the school. I want to be around my child at all times during those first years, and I especially do not want my child to end up like one of the kids I watch over at the day care.

- That brings me to work and finances. Again, I plan to be around constantly for my child's life. That being the case, I will not be working outside of home when my child is born. What I do plan to do is try to get jobs I can do from home, or jobs that are as they come. Examples would be writing articles for Newspapers, Magazines, etc. - being that I'm an English major - or photography jobs - based on my minor.

- Further on finances... I will be moving into my partner's house at the end of this semester. He is due to graduate in December, when he will be able to go and get a job of his own. Not only that, but he gets money every month from the government because of the sacrifice he gave in serving our country. Once the baby comes, he is actually going to be getting more money each month. Basically, I'll be fine as far as money's concerned.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I answered most of the main questions. What I'd like to address now is all the shit people are giving me over my pregnancy. No, I did not plan to get pregnant. I was, in fact, taking measures not to. Why? Because as much and as long as I have wanted a child, it wasn't necessarily the right time. I have decided, though, that for someone's swimmers to defeat birth control, for my brain to will it to happen, this baby was meant to be.

Speaking of my brain, I don't care about what's "wrong with me" anymore. Mental illnesses are sometimes inherited, and they are sometimes never even passed along. I used to be terrified that I would ruin any future child's chance at a happy life, because of my own suffering. But you know what? I didn't have parents that understood. Who can understand better than someone with the same difficulty? And, in my opinion, it isn't even a problem. It's something that makes me different, that gives me a different perspective on life. I wouldn't change my brain, even if I could.

The last thing that people have given me shit for is my age. So, I'm nineteen years old. Who cares? By the time I have the baby, I will be past my teen years - which is more than a lot of people can say these days. Not only that, but my maturity level, my ability to handle children, and many other things are much greater than people my age and even than people older than myself.

My point is, I'm excited about having a baby. Am I scared out of my mind? Absolutely. Would I ever go back and change being pregnant? Not a chance.